EU citizens bare their souls

Date: 05/03/1998

MORE and more European citizens are turning to the EU's most popular agony aunt, Eunice, for advice. The size of her postbag only highlights how the problems confronting the Union are growing day by day. Here is just a sample of the issues causing concern.

Dear Eunice,

My husband and I have been married very happily for 11 years, but things have been going downhill ever since the convergence criteria for economic and monetary union were announced. The problem is that I am Italian and my husband is French, and he says there can be no question of fudging the criteria in order to get Italy into the euro first wave. This has led to arguments virtually everyday. I say we mustn't let an issue like this drive us apart, but he says it is the most important development in the history of the European Union and cannot be swept under the carpet. He is always humiliating me in public over my country's massive debt ratio. What can I do to save my marriage?

Maria-Rosa, Amiens.

Dear Maria-Rosa,

You are caught in a familiar and very sad situation. It will be no comfort for you to know that I get more letters about EMU squabbles within the family unit than anything else.Your case, at least, seems clearer than most. First, you must recognise that your husband is right. If there is any fiddling of the economic targets for untroubled entry into the single currency, the entire project could be derailed. A weak currency in the basket will undermine the euro and destroy its credibility as a world currency.

And if economic credibility is in tatters, what price Europe's political stature on the world stage? Maria-Rosa, you have to decide which is more important to you - your husband or your misplaced loyalty to the lira.

Dear Eunice,

I have never been a suspicious sort of person, and I don't like what I have become in the last few weeks. I'm losing friends because I cannot accept them for what they are.

I suspect everyone of being intent on belittling what has been achieved since the founding fathers met in Messina all those years ago. Only last week my best friend mentioned that she was going to Turkey for her holidays and I accused her of deliberately humiliating the enlargement task force - and it isn't even set up yet! She said the trip had been booked for months, long before the difficulties over Turkey's attendance at the London Conference, but I just can't believe anyone could be so insensitive. I know I'm overreacting and that my friends are laughing at me, but I just can't help it.

Eliza, Helsinki

Dear Eliza,

Naturally, you feel strongly that people shouldn't treat the European Union with contempt, and you are not alone! I know one or two other people who think exactly the same way. But try to be a little understanding. Not everyone shares your blind devotion to the cause and you must accept your friends for what they are, warts and all. I'm sending you a leaflet from Euroholics Anonymous, which runs tolerance courses for the truly smitten.

And remember, your friends aren't laughing at you, they're laughing at your beliefs!

Dear Eunice,

My wife and I don't know where to turn. Our son is just 14 and has suddenly turned from a respectful, obedient child doing well at school into a young tearaway defying everything we stand for. We seem to have shouting matches every night. We've been told it's just a stage he's going through, but now he says he is not going to university and he intends to stand as a Euro MP, whatever we say or do. Please tell us what to do. We are confused and worried.

Friedrich, Munich.

Dear Friedrich,

The gap between the generations is nothing new. Times change and the things that were expected of children in your day have no resonance now. However, it is clear your problems run deeper than changing times. It is obvious to me that your son needs outside support. You don't give many details of his exact behaviour, but his threat to become a Euro MP is more than just teenage defiance - it's a cry for help!

You must talk to your son and make him realise that there is nothing to be gained by such action. Have you explained that there will be no swift answer to the problem of the seat? Has he thought about the democratic deficit? Explain these points. Be firm but not censorious. You need to find out how he got the idea of becoming a Euro MP. Your son is probably very impressionable and he may be mixing with the wrong people.

Good luck.

Dear Eunice,

My brother tells his wife that he is out drinking with his mates most weekday nights, but he has confided in me that he stays at his desk in the secretariat of the Committee of the Regions until late. I wish he hadn't told me because I am very fond of his wife and my loyalties are being put to the test. What should I do?

Vera, Brussels

Dear Vera,

You must tell your brother's wife what is really going on. Only by such action can you help her to help him. The alternative is to watch from the sidelines as your brother destroys himself and his marriage. Have you wondered why your brother stays at his desk so long? You could speak to him first and explain your concerns. There are now a number of sympathetic organisations prepared to assist Eurocrats who believe they are indispensable. I am sending you details.

Dear Eunice,

I am a 48-year-old fonctionnaire. I am divorced and have fallen madly in love with a fellow worker. Today, I uncovered a problem: he is a B grade and I am an A grade. Why has he kept this from me? I want it to work, but I don't know if it can.

Marcia, Brussels

Dear Marcia,

Yes you do: it can't. Forget it. Equality doesn't run this deep. Find someone your own grade.

If you have a problem, don't hesitate to write to Eunice but, sorry, she cannot reply individually to your queries.